Its odd to see the mail come in and among it is the letter for the lease. I didn’t feel the year going. It didn’t seem like it’s been a year out from hell.
In some ways things have changed. I have a bit more courage to speak out on things I don’t enjoy hearing about and speaking out against wrong notions of actions. I don’t feel as guilty as I did if one weekend I didn’t want to go back for a visit. I don’t feel as bad to just lay down and sleep next to my rabbits, unsure where my head is.
That being said I haven’t had complete success. There will always be an elephant in the room. Things will go untalked. Partially because of me, partially because of them. What’s more outstanding is the realization that my own sibling isn’t free from the manipulation and bad behavior seen before. (Not that I was good candidate, it’s just been easier to stay quite after the first few incidents.)
When I think of a year, I’d like to think of how I’ve grown and developed. To say the least, I’ve grown quite and lonely. I’ve stopped journaling. Stopped writing. Somethings became too real and I just hid away again.
Anniversaries, for the most part, are usually a good time for look backs. For appreciation of what had been done. I’ve seen them as a pillar of traditions and how we can keep the same. But not this anniversary.
I want something more than what I’ve established. I just have to figure out how. Hopefully this website will be the first of many steps for the development I choose.